MySpace + Questionable Transvestite = P in V?

March 16, 2009
Equation by: Peaches
Post by: Contributor # 1

This equation is so wrong on so many levels, but it’s also funny and true. The title may be a bit revolting but hear Peaches out… he had to check, and it ended in some P in V, not P in male B.

The Myspace meet and greet is atrociously trashy, and in no way to the creators of P in V recommend using this tactic, but, then again, it does work. Okay so meet your average Myspace junkie (for the Lady followers of P in V check out this formidable bachelor).

So Hot Right Now: Thanks to Worst of MySpace for this one

So Hot Right Now: Thanks to Worst of MySpace for this one |P.S. This is not the lady from our story|

You know she’s weird with the amount of time she put into that repeating background with an obscene amount of flare. But she might also be easy, so take her for a drink at everyone’s favorite classy hole in the wall dance bar: Key Bar. Get really drunk, and call your best friend screaming, “Yo Dude, I’m making out with the hottest girl in this place, and everybody is staring.”… Kind of like Dave Navarro.

Fast forward to the next morning: You’ve got a clown face on your pillow because of all the make up that rubbed off her face. You remember vaguely that she didn’t let you get anywhere near that V. She didn’t even take off her jeans to go to sleep.  Something isn’t right… too much make up, everyone staring, a hands off evening… but her butt was so lady like. Peaches refused to let the rumor be started that he made out publicly with a tranny, so he went back for an investigative round 2. He could have just asked her to go naked hiking, but no! He decided to cut to the chase and ask to hook up. She/he said yes, and it turned out to be a she. Lucky for him, but just for fun, we still say he hooked up with a tranny. Moral of the story, if you’re questioning the sex of your potential P in V prospect, don’t call your friends bragging about it.

Blizzard Conditions + Mobile Computing = P in V

March 2, 2009
Equation by: Scoop! Scoop!
Post by: The Muse

In honor of the first official NYC Snow Day in 5 years, we bring you a hot off the press P in V:

It used to be only kids got to enjoy snow days.  Fortunately with the advancement of technology, a snow day can now create a great chance for p in v.

These days employers can’t afford to have employees risk their lives trying to get to work in snow storms.  Instead of risking life and limb on the road, employers will allow their employees to work from their home computers.  This creates a great opportunity for a little afternoon delight:

For the everyday working man, afternoon delight during the week is a thing of the past.  Unless you are able to maximize your lunch break (if so please submit how) your only chance is the rare snow day combined with the cautious boss.

So keep an eye on the forecast, and have your special friend on speed dial for the next time a snow storm rolls through and allows you to work from home.  Remember as long you answer all your emails in a timely fashion, no one will suspect you spent the day with your P in someone’s V.

Obama Election Night + Tearing Up = P in V

February 25, 2009
Equation by Contributor #1
Post by Contributor#1

In honor of the President’s faux State of the Union last night, the good people at = P in V bring you our first politically inspired P in V experience. Okay, so specifically this equation might only help you in 2012 when our homeboy Barack is back up for re-election, but you certainly can utilize other inspiring Obama moments to hope your way into some future P in V in the next 4 years.

Barack = P in V

Barack = P in V

Keep your eyes peeled to CNN for upcoming Obama speeches: the state of the unions, his second election victory speech, second inaugural, my birthday, etc etc. and increase your odds by surrounding yourself with Obama lovers. Obama makes Obama lovers squirm… right into your P. This man is the face of hope, and change, and he will literally be your opening act. Then, let him do his thang: inspire, soften and elate the women around you. For added effect, let the emotions take over, tear up a bit (just a bit, one tear should do it) and let the ladies come to you. Now you share their feelings of hope, change, and the mutual decision that the world can be a better place by you two ‘connecting’ with some P in V in the name of Change!

Engagement Party + Handlebar Ride Home – Tragedy = P in V

February 24, 2009
Equation By: Chief
Post By: Chief

As a yet-to-be-engaged or un-married couple, an engagement party can be a testing social obligation.  If not careful, unavoidable expectations can quickly stifle whatever good thing you got going on.  The best way to ensure continued P in the V is to take the party for it is, an incredible opportunity to eat and drink for free at a high end venue.

(In this equation, the venue was the Bridge Urban Winery.  For all you hopeful “P in the V’ers,” keep this place in mind as a future date option.  With a view of the Williamsburg Bridge, this half wine tasting room half tapas bar will be sure to give your hot dog a head start down the hallway.)

After taking full advantage of the free food and drink and avoiding, at all costs, discussions about future marriage plans, it is time to plan your trip home.  Contrary to popular belief, the bicycle is a great way to both attract and impress women.  Not only can they demonstrate your physical prowess, but also, your thriftiness.  In the current economic climate, this second quality will not go unnoticed.

If you do not already own a bicycle, it will not be hard to find one.  For cheaper bikes, try craigslist, the flea market in Fort Greene (at Bishop Loughlin Memorial High School,) or Christopher at  Higher end bikes can be found at shops throughout the city.  New York Magazine recommends Landmark Vintage Bicycle or Manny’s Bicycle Shop.

Now comes the hard part, “handlebarring” your lucky lady friend home.  First, you must convince the girl to trust you.  This is the hardest part of the entire operation.  Second, have your lady friend straddle the front wheel with her butt towards you.  Third, tell her to jump, sit on the handlebars, and hold onto your massive forearms for support.  Finally, push forward with your foot resting on the ground while simultaneously pedaling with your opposite foot.  Momentum is essential!  Once you get moving, it will become relatively easy to balance both you and your lady friend.  Keep in mind, the smaller the girl, the less sheer mass you must accelerate to attain balance.  Therefore, gentleman, choose wisely who you attempt to handlebar.  The graph below will help you to understand this complex relationship.

If all goes as planned, this is what the operation should look like.  Note the smiles.

If all goes as planned, this is what the operation should look like. Note the smiles.

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Parents in Town + Making Sure They Have Their Own Hotel Room = P in V

February 23, 2009
Equation by: Scoop! Scoop!
Post by: Contributor # 1

Okay, on the surface this may not seem like a good P in V opportunity. You have to deal with the embarrassment that may come along with Mom and Dad visiting: talking about those old bathtub photos, bickering about what you’re wearing, and asking why don’t you have a job. But for all the treachery that comes with family being in town, there are even more positives: Moms love that you might have a new ‘lady friend’, the rentals are going to take you to a nice dinner, (be the New Yorker and suggest some of the big time, guaranteed, P in V restaurants: Morimoto, Public, Park Ave Winter, and Daniel’s). Sit back, woo the parents and the woman you invited, while you take in great food and drinks on the house. The key is after dinner, the seniors head back to their own hotel (never offer your place), and you just got full and drunk for free. Now take that new lady friend home and put some P in V.