Being in a Band + Being Less Creepy than your Lead Singer = P in V

Equation by: Rake! Rake!
Post by: Contributor #1

Being in a band (that actually performs) when you’re A. Less than 40 or B. Not balding, immediately increases your chances for P in V. Add being less creepy and / or more attractive than your lead singer and you’re a shoe in for some solid P in V. Before the fame kicks in and you’re hanging with groupies backstage at MSG, take advantage of your Fall Out Boy status, hop on over to Angels and Kings to introduce your date to Pete Wentz and ask him how it feels to be a front man that doesn’t sing.

Mr. Wentz, front and center

Mr. Wentz, front and center

LSD (Lead Singer Syndrome) has been in existence since the dawn of music. If you’re a good lead singer chances are you’re insane, have an addictive personality, a desire to be the center of attention and are bisexual (for social purposes). So, if you don’t feel like biting the heads off bats (See Ozzy Below), but still want some P in V, there are drums, guitars, and keyboards waiting to be played on the local New York City circuit.

Ozzy on his way to Creep King, But look at that Mustache Competion

Ozzy on his way to Creep King, plus look at that Mustache Competition from Iommi and crew.

Here’s how to do it.

1. Get a guitar: try a Fender Strat Squire for around $150. There’s a great row a music stores in midtown including Sam Ash, Rudy’s and Guitar Center on 48th Street Between 5th and 7th Aves.

Looks Great, Sounds Good Enough

Looks Great, Sounds Good Enough

2. Go down town and have Dan Smith teach you guitar. This guy puts thousands of flyers all over the east / west village with his dorky face on it. I don’t know who did that fabulous headshot, but if they carry it around with them to bars, they are up for some solid P in V.

Instant P in V

Village Flyer / Guitar Guru Dan Smith : Instant P in V

3. Find some band mates on craigslist. Here you can find some quality ‘musicians wanted’ postings such as “Want to form POP ROCK / MODERN ROCK band – Play in time, and look good (U must be greasy at what u do)” who are looking for “ females, males, animals, or monsters” OR check out “If you want to party with alt-porn models and midgets… (Manhattan)” who are “We, a female singer who’s not afraid to scream when needed, and a keyboardist/programmer/sometimes guitarist are looking for some rockin’ peeps to join us”

This post alone could equal some freaky P in V

This post alone could equal some freaky P in V

4. Play at some fine venues that are looking for new Local bands to help fill up their rosters: Spike Hill, The Bitter End, The Village Underground, Lit Lounge, Kenny’s Castaways, or the Sullivan Hall.

5. Once you’ve solidified yourself as a performing musician, who isn’t balding and is less creepy than your lead singer, get out in that crowd of 15 people you just made cringe and let those lady’s come to you. All in all its gonna equal P in V.

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