Archive for the ‘Chief’ Category

Engagement Party + Handlebar Ride Home – Tragedy = P in V

February 24, 2009
Equation By: Chief
Post By: Chief

As a yet-to-be-engaged or un-married couple, an engagement party can be a testing social obligation.  If not careful, unavoidable expectations can quickly stifle whatever good thing you got going on.  The best way to ensure continued P in the V is to take the party for it is, an incredible opportunity to eat and drink for free at a high end venue.

(In this equation, the venue was the Bridge Urban Winery.  For all you hopeful “P in the V’ers,” keep this place in mind as a future date option.  With a view of the Williamsburg Bridge, this half wine tasting room half tapas bar will be sure to give your hot dog a head start down the hallway.)

After taking full advantage of the free food and drink and avoiding, at all costs, discussions about future marriage plans, it is time to plan your trip home.  Contrary to popular belief, the bicycle is a great way to both attract and impress women.  Not only can they demonstrate your physical prowess, but also, your thriftiness.  In the current economic climate, this second quality will not go unnoticed.

If you do not already own a bicycle, it will not be hard to find one.  For cheaper bikes, try craigslist, the flea market in Fort Greene (at Bishop Loughlin Memorial High School,) or Christopher at homelessbikes@msn.com.  Higher end bikes can be found at shops throughout the city.  New York Magazine recommends Landmark Vintage Bicycle or Manny’s Bicycle Shop.

Now comes the hard part, “handlebarring” your lucky lady friend home.  First, you must convince the girl to trust you.  This is the hardest part of the entire operation.  Second, have your lady friend straddle the front wheel with her butt towards you.  Third, tell her to jump, sit on the handlebars, and hold onto your massive forearms for support.  Finally, push forward with your foot resting on the ground while simultaneously pedaling with your opposite foot.  Momentum is essential!  Once you get moving, it will become relatively easy to balance both you and your lady friend.  Keep in mind, the smaller the girl, the less sheer mass you must accelerate to attain balance.  Therefore, gentleman, choose wisely who you attempt to handlebar.  The graph below will help you to understand this complex relationship.
graph

If all goes as planned, this is what the operation should look like.  Note the smiles.

If all goes as planned, this is what the operation should look like. Note the smiles.

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Jazz Club + Long Cab Ride = P in V

February 9, 2009
Equation by: Chief
Post by: Contributor # 1

The right Jazz club is one of those NYC mood setters that makes P in V such an imminent possibility that you’ll be in for some fun before you can even make it home. While the cabbie concentrates on that 20 hour conversation via bluetooth with Mahmoud from the Middle East, you can enjoy the perfect ratio of novelty public affection and cozy plexi glass privacy in order to put some P in V, via the cab ride, in NYC.

= P in V recommends both parties sit in the back seat before attempting some cab P in V

= P in V recommends both parties sit in the back seat before attempting some cab P in V

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